True Leader

"As a leader you have to uphold honesty." That's what my Papa told me when I asked him how should a leader be. Today, he sent me a link and i clicked at it right away. I saw there a picture of him, getting an award from the local mayor as his achievement in tackling illegal fishing as he is a marine police himself.
He told me the story that he is now working in a place, 4 hours driving from the city where he lives. As he is helping to reduce the number of fishing by electric shocks, not a little number of fishermen tried to bribe him to let them be, but he insisted not to accept it even he disciplined his people as well not to accept what the fishermen tried to give them.
Thank you Pa, for also telling me indirectly as a leader we have to lead by an example. Congratulations on your achievement. You deserve it! Now I know, i have a chance to be a good leader as well :)


Sincerely, your proud little girl.

Succes in tackling illegal fishing, BKO Polair got an award from Local Government HST

Eternal debt.

Never in a million time i could ever pay you for everything you've done for me. It's something i could never imagine how miraculous it was for both of you to raise me. Thankyou will never be enough. I'm truly sorry if i sometimes hurt your feeling acting rascally. I'm sincerely asking forgiveness for not being there with either each of you to celebrate this special day of yours. I feel guilty for letting you be alone on this day. Tell me what should i do 😭

It's really unimaginable how time flies now you gain another age and I'm loosing another chance to be with you. I'm selfishly pursuing what i think will make me happy and forgetting what will make you happy, perhaps just a call is not enough. God, it hurts me so much. Knowing the truth, but i really don't know how to react.

Happy birthday papa mama.

I wish we could be together right now :')

Youth Power

As the second semester of the term of AIESEC is coming soon, we are now preparing for successor. I became one of the election team in AIESEC Surabaya. We launched the application of LC President a few days ago. 3 strong girls has sent their intention letter successfully and still waiting for more applicants to send theirs. Reading to these 3 first applicants intention letter really touched my feelings (idk whether it's because i'm such a crybaby) but it's so powerful. They come from three different generation, yet their intention for this entity, for this society, for this world is so pure. They aim for the same purpose. It really moves my heart. I'm really proud of them. I'm so proud to call them as AIESEC in Surabaya member, I gladly declare it is an honor to have been working together with them during this term.

I've never thought that such spirit does exist in this world. It makes me realize that we are dreaming of something real that is relevantly could be achieved with what we have now. It just takes courage and time to make it come true.

Best wishes and tons of lucks for everyone applying <3

Deimos; son of Ares and Aphrodite who symbolises horror

Just today, 9th of November, a few hours ago I had a little talk with my friend about the impossibility of Trump to become the 54th President of US, and now I checked my phone and every social media that I have is talking about him winning the presidential election..... I feel mad, scared, disappointed, and every single possibility of disappointment you could have, I might not be the only non-American who feels the same. But the feeling is real. I don't make it sound exaggerated, as a person who is involved in an organisation that strive for peace & fulfillment of humankind's potential as its core I feel small now, there are lot of things that we need to do now. I feel that what we have been built all these years since after the World War II is gone just the way ashes fly. How could someone who is in his election campaign insulted women, insulted people with disabilities, muslim, people with race, and you could say by yourself what other things he did during his campaign, is going to run the most powerful country in the world? I really feel that myself is literally only dust in this galaxy. I am right now shaking, I just couldn't believe it. I am scared to see the future society, moreover us Indonesian, a developing country citizen, what would we be like in the future when he is the president of that country. I would move out to the other side of the world if I could. But one thing that I realize, that's the reason why we are exist, why AIESEC exist, we are still relevant about what we do and what the world needs. Keep doing what we do, don't lose hope. Humanity still does exist.

Sincerely, Vita, a 20 years old female who is afraid of her country's people fate during the next 4 years.

Learn to Love Yourself

Sometimes, you just forget to take care of yourself because you keep busy taking after the other one. You don't realize that your heart is bleeding while you're trying to catch him, you thought when you get him all the bleed will be magically healed by itself. You don't realize, you push people away just to be with him, meanwhile you are not so sure if he wants the same. You sacrifice your all just to get his attention, at the same time he's not putting effort to pay you attention. Now is the time you have to realize that you don't deserve the love you wait for. He's not coming toward you. Love yourself.

Sweet Reminder

Dear, 20 yo Vita.
I'm so proud of you tonight. You've changed into a really better person now.

I didn't notice it since when but i just realized it tonight. A quick flashback when I was still in school, I was a tomboy who liked to fight with anyone who tried to mess up with me, anyone no exception. I remember when I was in senior high school, i punched my classmates on his face just because he talked inconsistently. And today, wow wow wow, I was having an argument with a guy, a really annoying guy who i found later as a two faced guy -sounds so pussy, ay? I know- he tried to punch me on my face but what I did was just simply unexpected, I myself expected that i would even punch him first before he tried to punch me, but I didn't. I kept being calm. Let the people judge. Let the people decide who won the fight.

Now I know why did my mom always taught me never attack people first before they touch you. It feels content. I feel like I found peace within me. I finally beat my own ego.

You know it when people say, "your mind is the only enemy you have", once you conquer your mind, there's nothing else to worry about.

Conclude by yourself

I just finished the socialwork yesterday and now I'm back in town. Didn't have the chance to write yesterday since i just spent it to clean my room :') No, not really I went to Starbucks to write my marketing task but ended up chatting via LINE with a glass of iced americano hahaha

So, i'm going to write the sum up of my 28 days living in the not so small village that i wrote here before. This sum up story just happened to me during our last night there. So, just as the tradition of being Indonesian, we toured around the village to visit the houses of people that we were in contact and helped us during our stay there. I remember we visited 5 houses. One house of the head of the village Pak Kades, 3 houses of the helper of the head of the village Pak Kasun, and one house of one man who usually cleans the office and the elementary school area, Pak Tik.

First we visited 3 houses of Pak Kasun, as just usual they served us with drinks and snacks. Next, we visited the house of the head of the village, the head of the village himself has already fallen asleep according to the wife, in fact it was only 7pm, we didn't get anything meaning the wife served us nothing, not even a mineral water, but it was okay since we all already full from the 3 houses before. Last, we stopped at Pak Tik's house. Surprisingly touching, all of the family members gather around to welcome us, they served us drinks and a looooot of snack with unusual amount and also the next day before we finally left to Surabaya, the wife of Pak Tik went to our house and gave us local handmade snack one each.

That was not the story I want to share, that was just a preface. The main story is, it is not about that you don't have anything to give, but you don't want to. Be like Pak Tik :')

Seven Pounds

"Live life abundantly."

Ben Thomas, 2008

Hollow

"You know you miss someone when you can't go to sleep without the urge just to see at least his picture.

You know you like someone when even you know that he doesn't but you still have faith.

You know you love someone when it's enough just to watch over him from far.

You know it's him."

Life Teacher

Hello, digital world. It’s quite long time since the last time i write. This time I’m gonna share my experience for being a village girl, living out of town, in a small village that i’ve never been to before, far from the crowd of jungle city, where I could see sheep and chicken and sometimes cow right the time when I open the door of the room that my team and I use to sleep, eat, talk about the project, and play together, yes basically we do everything in this same particular room. Just FYI we have 10 people n the team including me, mmmm you can imagine how crowded it could be, but that’s all not the thing that matter. I’m used to sleep in a small space together with a lot of my family, I love it. I name it sharing the same  condition yet we stay together. I’m not that type of town girl who doesn’t like being dirty surrounded by such animals. I don’t care that i rarely get signal for my mobile phone. Enough that i could check on to my LINE account to know what’s going on with the team in AIESEC, ah another story that i haven’t had the chance to tell, well later on the next post prolly :)

Well, let’s just start this story. I will live in this village somewhere in East Java but it is actually closer to Central Java than the heart of East Java for about 3 weeks. It’s a compulsory subject from my university that all of the last year student must attend. Since the motto of my Uni is Excellence with Morality, they want us to apply what we got from uni to the society by directly working with them. So, we have this programs that we name it as project :p

First week, was filled with teaching the local elementary school children. A lot of shocking things that i’ve never imagined before happened here. I mean not to mention that i’m comparing with what we have in town, not even have to mention Surabaya, when i compare it to Banjarmasin, which geographically located in South Kalimantan, and politically is not in the centre of the governmental thingy, what I had when i was still in Banjarmasin studying from kindergarten until high school I could say and feel that I am totally blessed. Somehow i feel sorry for the kids here, it’s just so unfair that we live in the same country yet we don’t have the same chance just to access to a better education or at least the same. This particular elementary school, it only has 6 classes for its students -in Indonesia we have 6 years of elementary school life, grade 1 till 6- Each class only has 6-8 students average, but 16 for the first grader. Again, I compared it to my elementary school, I was in a class with 20 students, they already name it as an exclusive one, well i was quite sharp back then in elementary school that i was in acceleration class :p so that i finished elementary school just in 5 years while normally is 6. But the point is, this elementary school only has a quarter of my class’ student, well i could say it’s quite a privilege for them to study more since they will only share one teacher for 6 or 8 of them, but it irritated when i joined the class, when i got in contact with them the students, they don’t have the same level of understanding of their subjects. i could say not even close with what i had back in when i was their age. I have this one little guy over here sitting down on his seat while trying to digest what my friend taught them, it was mathematic, i will admit that i’m not that good at math, i hate numbers, but it was 2nd grade of elementary school, i just prepared the worst that they will ask me about times operation, but i was totally wrong, mostly the students hardly counting with ease, and this little guy over here, oh my god, i told myself, if he was my dad and my mom’s kid, he will not have his leg standing steadily -just a short flashback, i remember when i was in kindergarten, my dad asked me to draw a single leaf, but i wasn’t able to do it (well it’s proved now that i dont have any art blood :p) so my dad asked me to stand up on single plastic chair, it was small surfaced and high, I thank him because of that i don’t give up easily now in facing every problems)- He needs help just to count 7+7. To be honest, I almost lost my patient when i dealt with this little guy, but what makes me calm was his eagerness his willingness to learn, he asked me to give him more question so he could learn how to solve it. After the class ended, I had a little talk with the teacher, I didn’t know why the teacher told me the story about that little guy I told you just before. It turns out that he doesn’t have a father, his mom is staying in Surabaya for work, and he is staying here with his grandparents. The time i heard this story, i felt so guilty towards him, i was wrong comparing him as my parents’ child while he never even had the chance to meet his father and rarely seen his mother, what could he expect from his grandparents, ay? Just quite a tough life for a little guy as him.

Next thing that shocked and made me quite mad was when the teachers just laugh at my report about one of their students talks dirty. What they said was “yo ngono iku mbak anak di desa”, which translated into english as “yeah, that’s how children in village behave”. I was like daaaaaaammmnnnn, no, it was not because of they come from village or town that shaped how they behave, you can imagine what makes a small 2nd grader kid could behave like that, either they are from not friendly for children area or they don’t get any knowledge or education about how to behave, there is no one telling them what is good what is wrong. I remember my lecturer said, the worst part of stereotype is when the person being stereotyped agree with what the people told them what they are. and it’s just happen here. Yes, some of the town people labeled village people as less than them the town people, but it’s just a label, prove them they are wrong, don’t just passively saying yes to what they told you.

2nd week which is this week, filled with health project. We were helping the doctor in conducting free check up and consultation to the olds. There is actually still good things happened here, they do it routine monthly for free for their citizen, which i don’t know if we have it or not in big city. I kept an eye to the olds that were coming, they came alone by themselves, some with their child or grandchild. I saw two old men sitting at the corner of the room waiting for their turn, they reminded me of my dad at home, my dad is not as old as them, but he will be. I was just feeling so bad that if someday he will experience that these two grandpas experienced as his only child is dreaming not to stay at her hometown but travelling for living. I’m sorry papa, you know what i want to be :’) but this big girl over here will not ever let you feel alone, you too mama.

Next lesson i learned, when my team and I were having talks with the people in charge in this village, what i learned is this village is just soooo patriarchal, they see men as the strong one, the one who the women should rely on to, and the woman as the one who needs to be protected, well I agree somehow protection is needed, but the protection itself is from what the men do to us the women. They see the women as a thing, an interactive thing. I haaaaate that time i spent to talk with them so much. nonsense. but once again, perspective :’)

Oh one more, this one i just experienced today, 28th of july. One of the high school student asked a question to us or i could say she asked for a motivation for them so they want to enter the university. At that moment i was thinking, am I the one who dreams too big, or? well well, i said to myself nah, it’s never too big for a dream. I just answer to her question with another question, why should you stop at high school when you can go to university for a bigger world you will have someday?

The more I learned :)

Today's Proverb

" If you want something you've never had, then you've got to do something you've never done."

Mask

I couldn't believe it that I watched an hour long talkshow of an Indonesian artist.. I rarely watch television program, but I just watched talkshow which is more likely to be called a gossip program rather than talkshow.. Phew~ No, it's not about the talkshow, the artist, nor my one hour precious wasted time, but the message behind it all.. but I need to tell you a bit about the topic of the talkshow, this artist is a young woman, she is married, she has kids, unfortunately she has problems in her life. Sounds so usual, isn't it? She has tattoos and piercings almost all over her body. When you read the sentence preceded this sentence, what thing came up on your mind? It's normal that it's her choice, it's part of art, it's so common. Good for you then who think that way. I'm gonna talk about those who don't think that way. Unfortunately, the culture in Indonesia is not that "open" to things like these. Hmm I think the word unfortunately doesn't fit it well, I appreciate my country's culture, it's just about back again to perspective. Well well, this subject confessed that she is being judged because she has tattoos, she has piercings, she drinks, she's going out, she's having fun. Oh my dear. When you judge someone based on the surface, you know nothing beneath all of the things the subject chose to show you. Remember the iceberg theory? It may look small so you can underestimate it from what it seems, you know nothing about what supports it under. Iceberg could sink up the majestic Titanic on its very first voyage. When someone decide to have tattoos for example, what's so wrong about it that couldn't even harm you? It's just their way to hide, to release what they hold this long. You know nothing what they've been through, don't make it worse by judging them, you are not any better than them.

My mom, she has tattoos, she has piercings, I did judge her at the very first time, then I realized, I know what she's been through, it's not easy for her to do that as well. She needs attention. Not judgement. Me myself, not any better than her, I do drink, i'm not proud of it nor regret it. It's the way i'm having fun, what's so wrong about having fun as long as you know your limit, isn't it?

All of us we have our own problems, there are people who choose to stay calm, there are people who choose to go out looking for friends so he/she can forget his problems. We have choices! We are responsible enough for our own choices, we don't need judgement but support.

once again, judging people based on what they choose to show you is just like when you believe that poop taste bad but in fact you've never tried to taste it. It doesn't make you any better. Be open. Be brave enough to accept people for what they are. Or atleast, don't make their problems worsen by judging them. You don't judge, then no one will judge you. Remember that karma does exist ;)

Perspectives

"If it doesn't do you any good, why holding on? Move on!" Uhuh I was writing my blog assignment on my other blog just now, no it's not that I betray you bloggie "sometimes things are not like what it seems." you understand right? hahaha well nah it is just an academic blog made by my university for each of its students, I just write there sometimes (if i have assignment that i have to post there :)))) so don't you worry bloggie, I will still and always be faithful with you, it's been 4years and more since the first time I made you. Uhuuu i'm so easy to get distracted hahaha so back to what i wanted to write, that first quote I wrote in this post, I found it as the header of my academic blog. I barely remember why at that time I put that as the header on my academic blog, it should be sound more academic than it is since it's an academic blog, ay? such as "don't look back at history since it would do you harm." perhaps? hahaha ewww it sounds so cheesy anyway. So so so back again to the topic. It's just give me an "injection" to write tonight. You know what, when you are saying some motivational words, it is not as easy as when you say it, you know what i mean? The point that I want to say for this post is that more likely to don't judge people easily from what they do or say. I take my case for the example, I wrote that motivational sentence as the header of my blog, it doesn't mean that I am successfully moved on, yet me myself is sometimes still struggling on forgetting someone or not to overthink about such unimportant things that do not do me any good at all, I am a human, she is a human, he is a human, they are human, we are all human. Nobody's perfect. We made mistakes. When we talk about mistakes itself, we cannot easily judge that a mistake is always bad, not every beautiful thing for example is good, right? Banana for example, I loooove it so much, for me that's like a splat from heaven, but there must be someone at the other hand hate it as it is slimy and textured like baby's food for example. See, it's all just about perspective. Try to judge as objective as possible. because at the end it's not the mistake that matters but the way he/she admit the mistake he/she made and how can he/she learns from the mistakes he/she has made. Our task is to help them to get better.
It relates me to the newest issue happened in Indonesia, about a just-graduated-from-high-school-young-girl who acted brutally against a police officer, I mean I don't know how did she act, but according to the news that I read, it says that she did it brutally. So sorry if i make mistake in re-telling this story. She just lost his father after the incident because a lot of people bullied her through social media for what she has done. His father got a sudden heart attack when he read the critics over her daughter that lead him to death. See, now who's the villain? The girl who acted brutal or you guys that bullied her until she lost her father? You just killed someone. According to Aristotle's theory about Eudemonism ethic, think twice before you do something, whether it will bring you any good or bad.

Wasteful Attempt

Ali bin Abi Thalib once said "No need to explain to people about yourself, because those who like you don't need that and those who hate you won't believe that."

Well, it's enough that you know yourself.

Be Independent

I got a slap on my face today. Well not as literally a slap but you know. You know what, don't you ever rely on someone. First, because the only one you can rely on is only yourself. Second, when the person you tought you can rely on doesn't actually can be counted on, you'll get disappointed. Be Independent lah, the Malay said with their accent.

Really, i'm telling you the truth! Learn to live alone, it is less drama. You still need to socialize but don't ever put your comfort zone on them, because they can sometimes take it away without any prior notifications and without even they realize.

#VitasExchangLife - Temples in KL

I know... I know it's soooo lateeeeeee..... But better late than never, right? haha so classic! Well well, it has been 2 months now since I'm back in Indonesia, the very own country of mine~ Well, yeah I still living in the past right now hahaha No, I don't betray my own words that I love Indonesia, now. It's just you know, sometimes when I bumped to friends during the exchange's chats it just makes me even more desperately want that life back hahaha screw you greedy one! I'm so happy that it actually happened in my life. I could feel the difference now, the old Vita and the new Vita, wow there is so much gap just between in a person's personality that could happen just because of what happened in 5 months. I'm so proud to declare that I actually turn into a better one! Like literally better. I speak up for my self since remembering the past I always save my own opinion just for me, so selfish, I even stand on the Climate Change action hahaha for you who follows me on my other social media, you might know that and got surprised that oh this girl, she changed into a sudden climate activist I bet you it will just stay for a short period of time haha I don't oppose that! Me myself a bit worried about that, it's not because I'm pessimistic about that, it's just because we know nothing about what will happen in the future, right? I'm being realistic now. Then, it has been 5 weeks since my first class started and up until now I still faithful with my own promise to myself that  have to study each subject every night before the subject starts the next following day, yay! what an achievement! I actually have kept this promise since I was a kid, but it just stayed for the first week. So, it's a normal thing for me to be proud of it hahaha this girl is being over-proud right now, somebody has to stop her!!! Well, back to the topic, the exchange life. hmmm.. How I miss the life there.. the people.. the moments.. the parties.. the um.. the love.. hahahah well I'll breakdown all of them one by one! Don't worry, but just you have to worry about when will I write about all of them ahahaa because you know as I committed to be more diligent now so I might have just a little time to write now, and besides I'm so lazy hahah yep that one still stays with me.

Back then when I was still in Malaysia, my friends and I we visited a lot of temples, just simply because first we are tourists well at least in Malaysia, then because temple is one Malaysia's cuture, since you know it has three different major races, Malay, Chinese, and Indian. Most of the temples that we visited were Hindu's temple, which means belong to the Indian.

The first temple was shockingly an unexpected Chinese temple that we passed by on the way to the Hindu temple. Hmm... Well pardon this old lady here who cannot remember the name of the temples, since it happened in our very first week in KL.. So this is my effort to tell you guys, I am right now opening the map that we used when we were new tourists in Malaysia just to find out the names.. well here they are.

Guan Di Temple according to this very useful map, it was built in 1888. Guan Di itself means God of War. The God's of war was China's greatest warrior. However as I said before, that we just passed by the temple, we took a few pictures in front of the temple, then we continued to our main purpose,

the Sri Mahamariamman Temple still according to the map it was built in 1873 so it is older than the Guan Di Temple. Constructed by Thamboosamy Pillai originally as a private shrine and opened to public for the first time in the 1920s. As I said before, it is a Hindu temple with carvings of Hindu deities. Lord Ganesha, Lord Muruga, Lord Siva, and Goddess Lakshmi.

Both of the temples are located in The Historical Centre of Chinatown, so all of them are in walking distance, and there are other temples as well like Guan Yin Temple and Chan See Shue Yuen but unfortunately we didn't visit the two temples. To reach this area you can just simply take LRT to Masjid Jamek station or Pasar Seni station whichever you prefer, because both of them are still in walking distance and a lot of attractive touristic place to visit as well along the way.

Next one, the famous Batu Caves. This Batu Caves temple is actually located in a cave that's why I think they named it Batu Caves, where Batu means rocks in Bahasa Melayu as well as in Bahasa Indonesia. It's really famous, that's our main reason to visit it. The gold.. I'm sorry I don't know the detail about this temple, you can use technology, ask the help from google about it haha Just to reach this temple you need longer time because it's located out of KL, but you can still use the public transportation easily to get there. In my case, we depart from our lovely KK10 to LRT Universiti Station and took the LRT to KL Sentral station where you need to interchange to KTM to Batu Caves. Easy, right? yeah your welcome.

That's all the temples that we visited in KL, but I still have a lot more temples that we visited but in other cities or country, just wait for the next blog post, okay?

Seize The Day

I found this line from a poem by a. Latin poet, Horace is essential in my life "Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today, because tomorrow may never come." In other words, carpe diem! Live the moment! Don't ever give a fuck about what people say, it's your life, you live it for your ass not theirs, why cares?

I said, I found it essential is because it reflects my two ways of life. I sometimes do my best for what I am doing, but sometimes I procrastinate the thing that I'm doing. But anyway, I know me myself just like you know yourself, I know that I'm capable to work under pressure, that's what give me supports to do the thing that I do. I'm not you, you're not me, why should I listen to you, why should you listen to me, ay? So the point is, know yourself.

The Beginning Of The Journey Of Finding Myself

Been one day since the SYLC 3.0 finished. It was the very first conference that I attended and I could tell it was the great one. I joined AIESEC last 13th of February, through a very long journey yet exciting one, so basically this conference was part of the probation time for the new members of AIESEC Surabaya. It was held for 3 days, tiring yet unforgettable. There, I met a lot of inspiring people, I learned a lot of new things, I discovered my hidden ability that has been hiding for so long, and I found peace within myself.

I realized that I belong to Indonesia, my sense of belonging of Indonesia has been awaken through this conference. I have responsibility to change this country as one of its youth.

I really appreciate the time I spent at the conference, thanks to all of the CC for arranging such wonderful event that had really big impacts for all of the delegates, especially me.

Well, world welcome the new me.

The Whispers of The Night Wind

The bed feels much bigger eventhough we never slept on the same bed

There are no arms wrapping around to keep me in peace inside the uncertain wild dreams of mine

I miss the breathe of yours that I usually listen to when I was awaken by the nightmares to bring me back to sleep

If only I can rewind the time so I can feel the soft hands caressing my head, the beautiful lips that were together smiling with the brown eyes after giving a soft kiss

It feels different without you

January 31st, 2016

Vita Ayu